Mood: Relaxed and reflective.
The Peanut Countdown: 190 days.
POD:
Whaaaaat?
Since I wrote it yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about my statement "If I were to die tomorrow, I would feel like my life mattered and that I did something really valuable with my time here. It's the first time in my life I've felt that...". I still strongly believe that I did something very valuable this past weekend and for the past 3 months, but I've been thinking a lot about what I mean by the "I would feel like my life mattered" part. I know that *I* matter as a person because of all of my loved ones, but I really wonder how you know when your *life* finally matters. Is there a difference? I think there is. I think a person's existence matters significantly to the ones who love that person, but I think having your *life* matter has little to do with your personal characteristics and much more to do with how you spend your time. I am starting to think that having your life matter has all to do with how you affect people you don't even know, whereas having you matter has all to do with how you affect people you do know.
I grew up in a community where the typical and expected path for a girl was to go to school, go to college, get married, have kids, and take care of the family. Luckily my parents were different and expected much different things of me. Well, not exactly different, but with a significantly different emphasis. They emphasized education above all else, and I most certainly have my grandfather to thank for this. One of the stories that has always stuck in my head about my mom is about when she first got married. My mom got married while she was in med school in Pakistan. My grandfather told me that when my parents got married, my mom wanted to quit med school and focus on being married. One of the promises my dad made my grandfather was that he wouldn't let my mom drop out and would force her to finish med school. My mom's a successful doctor now, but more importantly than that, she's by far the best role model I have and exactly how I want to be if I have a daughter one day.
I think it's because of the way my parents raised me that I'm able to live outside of myself. I know too many people that only live within themselves and never step outside to think about the bigger picture they live in. There are just too many people I know that, of course, felt bad for Katrina victims, for example, but would never think "What can I do to help?" Like it's a world too far away for them to truly care about. And for too many, it's not a lack of caring that keeps them from taking action but rather a lack of understanding. Unfortunately, I think the thing lots of people don't truly understand is that even if it doesn't affect you directly today, it will one day. And one day they'll wish they had taken the opportunity to live outside of themselves and taken the time to understand the bigger picture of their world.
What do I want for myself? I want to feel like my life mattered. That someone else's life was so affected by mine that they want to pay it forward and keep the goodness going. I truly believe that's the only way to dissolve all the evil and bad in this world. A few years back, someone in India wanted to apply to med school but just didn't have the funds available. My parents learned this and sent the money. This person told my parents that they will get paid back as soon as possible. My parents said no, they didn't want to be paid back. Instead, they told this person that when they become a doctor, to find someone else who doesn't have the funds to apply and help them. That's the epitome of what I want for myself. I want to be part of a string of pay-it-forwards. And to set such an example for others that they start their own strings. I want to be the reason someone looks at their own life and decides to do something more, to be something more.
Since high school, I've had a life motto. I used to put it at the bottom of my emails when I was in college. It used to look like this:
My Goal: To be a Mozart, not a Marilyn.
People were always baffled by what this meant. I used to play clarinet, so people would always think it meant that I wanted to become a great musician (as opposed to a great actress?!). Nope. I would explain that it meant that I want people to remember me by what I did, not by what I looked like. When people mention me, I want people to think about how their life is different because of me, and not just have a picture of my face flash in their minds.
Daily Dose of Lubna: I FINALLY won the 1 out of 6 contest on my Diet Coke bottle. It's about time!
The Peanut Countdown: 190 days.
POD:
Whaaaaat?
Since I wrote it yesterday, I've been thinking a lot about my statement "If I were to die tomorrow, I would feel like my life mattered and that I did something really valuable with my time here. It's the first time in my life I've felt that...". I still strongly believe that I did something very valuable this past weekend and for the past 3 months, but I've been thinking a lot about what I mean by the "I would feel like my life mattered" part. I know that *I* matter as a person because of all of my loved ones, but I really wonder how you know when your *life* finally matters. Is there a difference? I think there is. I think a person's existence matters significantly to the ones who love that person, but I think having your *life* matter has little to do with your personal characteristics and much more to do with how you spend your time. I am starting to think that having your life matter has all to do with how you affect people you don't even know, whereas having you matter has all to do with how you affect people you do know.
I grew up in a community where the typical and expected path for a girl was to go to school, go to college, get married, have kids, and take care of the family. Luckily my parents were different and expected much different things of me. Well, not exactly different, but with a significantly different emphasis. They emphasized education above all else, and I most certainly have my grandfather to thank for this. One of the stories that has always stuck in my head about my mom is about when she first got married. My mom got married while she was in med school in Pakistan. My grandfather told me that when my parents got married, my mom wanted to quit med school and focus on being married. One of the promises my dad made my grandfather was that he wouldn't let my mom drop out and would force her to finish med school. My mom's a successful doctor now, but more importantly than that, she's by far the best role model I have and exactly how I want to be if I have a daughter one day.
I think it's because of the way my parents raised me that I'm able to live outside of myself. I know too many people that only live within themselves and never step outside to think about the bigger picture they live in. There are just too many people I know that, of course, felt bad for Katrina victims, for example, but would never think "What can I do to help?" Like it's a world too far away for them to truly care about. And for too many, it's not a lack of caring that keeps them from taking action but rather a lack of understanding. Unfortunately, I think the thing lots of people don't truly understand is that even if it doesn't affect you directly today, it will one day. And one day they'll wish they had taken the opportunity to live outside of themselves and taken the time to understand the bigger picture of their world.
What do I want for myself? I want to feel like my life mattered. That someone else's life was so affected by mine that they want to pay it forward and keep the goodness going. I truly believe that's the only way to dissolve all the evil and bad in this world. A few years back, someone in India wanted to apply to med school but just didn't have the funds available. My parents learned this and sent the money. This person told my parents that they will get paid back as soon as possible. My parents said no, they didn't want to be paid back. Instead, they told this person that when they become a doctor, to find someone else who doesn't have the funds to apply and help them. That's the epitome of what I want for myself. I want to be part of a string of pay-it-forwards. And to set such an example for others that they start their own strings. I want to be the reason someone looks at their own life and decides to do something more, to be something more.
Since high school, I've had a life motto. I used to put it at the bottom of my emails when I was in college. It used to look like this:
My Goal: To be a Mozart, not a Marilyn.
People were always baffled by what this meant. I used to play clarinet, so people would always think it meant that I wanted to become a great musician (as opposed to a great actress?!). Nope. I would explain that it meant that I want people to remember me by what I did, not by what I looked like. When people mention me, I want people to think about how their life is different because of me, and not just have a picture of my face flash in their minds.
Daily Dose of Lubna: I FINALLY won the 1 out of 6 contest on my Diet Coke bottle. It's about time!
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